fool.

"i must learn to love the fool in me -- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. it alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom i also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool." 

-theodore rubin

robot.

 

I am Not a Robot

You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside, you're just a little baby
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than love, love, loved for what you're not

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

You've been hanging with the unloved kids
Who you never really liked and you never trusted
But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins
Never committing to anything
You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings
Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing

I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
I am not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

Can you teach me how to feel real?
Can you turn my power on?
Well, let the drum beat drop

Guess what? I'm not a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

wish.

i wish you love

i wish you bluebirds in the spring
to give your heart a song to singa
and then a kiss, but more than this
iwish you love
and in July a lemonade
to cool you in some leafy glade
i wish you health
but more than wealth
i wish you love

my breaking heart and i agree
that you and i could never be
so with my best
my very best
i set you free

i wish you shelter from the storm
a cozy fire to keep you warm
but most of all when snowflakes fall
i wish you love
but most of all when snowflakes fall
i wish you love

[r. yamagata]

blossom.

'and the day came when the
risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than
the risk it took to blossom.'

- anaïs nin

allons-y.

in 6 hours or so, i have a train to catch. a train that will whisk me away to another country where i am to escape...this.

whatever 'this' is. 

the circles the thoughts the exhaustion the nightmare...'this.'

any other person would be catching zzz's now. me? i am still in search of oblivion. 

the weather report shows no sign of any raindrops interfering with my holiday. but there are raindrops in my head. clouds elsewhere. tornadoes in another corner waiting to unleash its fury.

i've lost my umbrella. but even before that, it was broken. 

...

let's just get out of here.

bruises.

I tried to do handstands for you

I tried to do headstands for you

Every time I fell on you yeah every time I fell

I tried to do handstands for you

But every time I fell for you

I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for

You

I tried to do handstands for you

I tried to do headstands for you

Every time I fell on you yeah every time I fell

I tried to do handstands but every time I fell for you

I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for

You ooo...

For you ooo...

So black and blue ooo...

For you ooo...

I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruisy knees

But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like

All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruisy knees,

Hot July ain't good to me

I'm pink and black and blue

I got bruises on my knees for you

And grass stains on my knees for you

Got holes in my new jeans for you

Got pink and black and blue

Got bruises on my knees for you

And grass stains on my knees for you

Got holes in my new jeans for you

Got pink and black and blue for you

[chairlift]

brat.

i need to learn to see the beauty in not getting what i want.

it's a hard lesson.

with no-one else to blame.

guilt is a very mean friend.

so is regret.

as is disappointment. 

you can only try to befriend them. strike a deal with them.

but in the end, they always win.

and it's time - time to get to know them, to understand them

and the beauty in knowing that their friendship is worthwhile in the long run,
and that you will meet a new best friend called 'timing'

that will get you through.